Depression and Hair Loss: You’re not Alone
September 8, 2008 by Spencer Kobren
When I first realized I was losing my hair, more than 20 years ago, I was absolutely mortified, however, I think my reaction to the initial onset of hair loss was fairly typical.
First, I went through the denial phase. I tried to convince myself that This can’t really be happening to me. I mean I was only 21. It must be the water or something right?
Next came the questioning phase. I asked select friends and family questions like “Does my hair look different to you? Do I look like I’m going bald?”
This is never a good idea. The truth is you’ll get different reactions depending on who you ask. Some family members will attempt to spare your feelings by saying things like, “Your hair looks great… What are you talking about? You have a ton of hair!”
There’s always one family member, usually a woman, who says “You’re crazy. You’re not the type to go bald.” To this day I’ve never figured out what that means.
Male siblings, on the other hand, can be a little more direct. They’ll tell it like it is and of course throw in a couple of bald jokes.
This is what happened in my case, and this is when my panic phase began. It was true. I was going bald, and at the time I thought my life was over. The date was December 31 1987, New Year’s Eve, the day that has forever changed my life.
I’m not sure if I was prone to depression. I don’t remember ever being quite so down until this time in my life, but I will tell you this: it was very real and it was really bad!
The simple act of showering was torturous for me. To see my hair in my hands and going down the drain with each passing day felt like a slow death.
I was having trouble concentrating at work. I couldn’t enjoy going out with my friends because I was becoming increasing self-conscious about my appearance, and I hated to look at myself in the mirror or in storefront reflections. I became obsessed with my hair loss, and as the weeks passed, my self-esteem was diminishing. I went from a relatively together kid to an emotional mess in less than a year. I was quickly slipping into a really dark place.
Society tells us that guys shouldn’t care about losing their hair. As men, we were raised to believe that any guy who would be so hyper-concerned about something as frivolous as hair loss is a pathetic excuse for a man. Buck up! Get it together! It’s only hair. Deal with it. It’s part of life.
Well, that’s easy to say if it’s not happening to you. But the truth is, while society doesn’t like to admit it, we are all judged by our appearance, especially when we’re young.
If you’re a young guy reading this article, it’s important that you know you are not alone.
Losing your hair can drastically change the way you perceive yourself and it can change the way others react to you in all aspects of life. I’m not going to sugarcoat it.
Because of this fact, it’s reasonable to have feelings of confusion and despair. This is nothing to be ashamed of. There will be women who reject you because of your hair loss. There will be situations in which people will openly make less than polite comments and observations about your receding hairline. These are just the facts.
At first it will be difficult to deal with, but I am here, as someone who was once a severely depressed hair loss sufferer, to tell you that there is life after hair loss.
More than twenty years have passed since that fateful day back in 1987, and there are still days when I deal with feelings of sadness. The fact is, I’ve been extremely fortunate to save as much hair as I have, but the day still may come when I have to let go and just deal with the further progression of my hair loss.
I’m going to save the discussion about what I did and all of the money I spent in an attempt to free myself from the nightmare of hair loss for another article.
I just wanted to let you guys know that I do what I do because I’m just like you. I’m a guy who was hit hard by the onset of his hair loss.
There was a time that I thought I was all alone with my feelings. I believed I was weak and vain because this is what society had drummed into my head. However, instead of letting hair loss overwhelm my life, I chose to take charge of my emotions and my future by turning my obsession into something positive. My profession is built on the hope that shedding a bright light on the harsh reality of hair loss will change the way we experience hair loss and the way society treats hair loss sufferers. I want you to know that while it might not be easy, it does get better.
Be Strong!
Spencer Kobren
Host of The Bald Truth Radio Show
Founder, American Hair Loss Association
Founder and Director of Consumer/Patient Affairs, International Alliance of Hair Restoration Surgeons (IAHRS.ORG)
I felt weak and vain too for being so concerned about my hair loss early on. People have a way of making you feel that way. ..like it’s just a frivolous concern or something. Isn’t that crazy? This in NOT a frivolous concern. Hair loss seeps into and colors almost every aspect of our lives.
I’m with you on feeling all alone about my feelings. It’s not easy to confide in your family or friends about it. Especially when you are 16 like I was.
Hi Spencer,
This is the 2nd part of my hairloss story. I just read your article about depression and hair loss. It was right on! Going bald goes a lot deeper than people think. When we lose our hair, we lose a part of ourselves. We lose a part of our identity. Hair isn’t just dead protein on our heads. Hair frames our face. Take a look at a picture of a guy before and after a hairpiece. It’s night and day. With the hairpiece on, you can’t even recognize him. Baldness is a medical condition. Furthermore, it’s a biological error. It’s a genetic defect. Our hair is on our heads to protect our scalp from the elements, as well as frame our face and give us our look. I bought a cheap dirty blond wig online and put it on. I couldn’t believe how different I looked. I could finally recognize myself. Identity has been a major issue for me. I don’t recognize myself when I’m bald. I feel as though I’m on chemo. I’ve been a norwood six for ten years, and I still don’t know what I’m looking at in the mirror.
It’s amazing that it’s 2008, and they can’t cure androgenetic alopecia. They can do rocket propulsion,astrophysics, as well as decode the human genome but they can’t cure baldness. What the hell is that?
I don’t believe I will ever be the Geoff I was when I had hair. I had my wavy, thick hair on top. I used hair gel, and the girls loved my hair as well as me. I had the boy band look. They were all over me. I remember being 16 years old and coming home on the train from Boston. I met two girls(about my age)on the train, and they gave me their phone numbers. One was a brunette, and one was blonde.They literally called me up on the phone one day and told me that I was HOT! Of course, at that time, I had BARELY begun to recede on my temples. Those days are nothing but a daydream now. A constant daydream. Some sort of fantasy I never got to experience. One of the girl’s names was Erin. I developed a phone relationship with her. I liked her. One day she made a derogatory remark about a bald guy who lived next to her. Ouch! That hurt. Although you couldn’t really notice my receding hairline, it was detectable with some effort. I was freaking 16!!!! I never got a chance to be a kid. That’s all I ever wanted. I have many stories like that. They all end with my being trapped in my body.
I just don’t have the confidence I once had. I excelled at every sport I did, got academic awards, and felt as though I could conquer the world. I have suffered from major depression, severe OCD, and anxiety. I believe most of this is related to my hairloss. Only those who have been affected by hairloss will understand me. When my mother was dying from cancer when I was 17, I never saw her cry until she began losing her hair. If that doesn’t make people understand the gravity of hairloss, I don’t know what will.
-Geoff
My life is not so great because of going bald. I lost my hair rapidly, it took about 5 years from start to completely bald on top. I am now 29 years old and think I could have had a better job if I didn’t go through this. I was married young when I had hair, but I still think that my wife thinks she got got gypped. She has been hinting to me to have a hair transplant. Every time sees see a Bosledy commercial on TV she makes comments like that guy look very good. It makes me feel even worse about myself to think that my own wife is disappointed and feels stuck with me.
Hey do you podcast the radio show?
Hey Spencer:
You’re a great voice of truth, reason, and reality in this forsaken hairloss industry — especially in the surgical hair transplant industry. It absolutely baffles me that there are big clinics out there that are so ready and willing to cut into the heads of emotionally-prone, vulnerable men. Blood and tissue. And for what? Money? And these poor men probably think that in 3 months, they’re going to be just like the “after” pictures that probably sold them. I can speak from experience — it takes time and it takes research and education. In my opinion, stick with the IAHRS and only with it. My IAHRS doctor gave me the education I needed to make an intelligent decision, and that I did. And I lucky to say I am very happy.
Tee Jay
This is a very good article! I live with depression because of my hair loss and I’ve been living with it for 11 years. I’m currently in therapy and have taken several anti depressants which have helped but I still have to deal with looking at least 10 years older than I really am. I have good days and bad days like everyone else but I have been feeling better these last couple of years. I have a very understanding girlfriend who really helps me so I guess I’ve very lucky.
I’m glad that there is a place like this for guys like us. I’ve been listening to your show for about 7 months and I love it! You have helped me change my attitude about a lot of things especially how I deal with my baldness. I actually began using dermmatch after I heard you say that you use it and it definitely helps me feel better during my day.
Thanks again!
-Lee
Hey Geoff,
Just wanted to let you know that of all my friends the one who does the best with the ladies is a complete norwood—he’s got a head like a countertop. But when it happened to him he got himself a decent tan and got in shape and kept his hair very short and now he’s got more chicks than anyone I know. Hair loss does make it more challenging to get women–because it saps your self confidence –but trust me you can adapt and overcome it. You’ll still be able to get girls.
Hey Robert,
Due to contractual issues we can not podcast the entire broadcast at this time. Things might change in the future, but in the meantime we’ll try to update the featured segments as often as possible.
Thanks for all of the comments guys!
Spencer
All of you guys have plenty of positive things ahead of you! Including you…. Spencer. Hair loss is something you deal with. While I prefer not to be bald and will do anything (within reason) to stop it……..I would accept being bald because I’d have no other choice.
The best way to DEAL with a fear is to face it! Otherwise, it will become repressed and cause depression/anxiety and all the stuff you don’t need in your life. Dudes, kids have cancer at age 6, a mother dies when her baby is 6 months old, a nun gets killed delivering food to the homeless…….no matter what…… you have to keep moving forward and keep thriving in life. Accept things that you can not change or fight a LOSING battle.
Love you all!!!!
Thanks for the update Spencer! I really wish you could somehow put the entire show on your website. I really enjoy listening and sometimes I would like to rewind it if I could.
Why don’t you just record the show off of Stickam? I’m sure it’s fine as long as you don’t plan to rebroadcast it.
-Lee
I started losing my hair at 14 years old and it sucks!
Hair loss completely destroyed my self-steem and my will to keep liviing.
People say “don’t care… it’s just hair” but it’s not on their heads.
Knowing that you’ll never be able to enjoy your hair again and will be slave to the grandfather look even when you’re young is a freaking curse!!!
I hate hair loss! Please someone cure this disease! I want my life back and I’m willing to pay any amount of money for a real cure!
Hey man,
So many of our listeners are in your exact position. You’re not alone. Tune into the show it can really help.
I am 15 and the past 6 months/year iv been noticing in class that my hair is falling out onto my jotter. I am naturally blond but my hair has been dyed brown but the roots are blond, when it falls out its only brown hair. I get really down and depressed about it sometimes and i have asked my mother and my aunt if they have noticed any changes but they both said no. Are they just saying what i want to hear because i am sure that i can see my hairlin receding.
I started losing my hair at age 19. It has gone from being absolutely thick to being very thin, and sparse. I am 23 now and have lost a significant amount of hair, people freak out when I tell them I am 23, I look like im 40 or something. I am also suffering from premature hair greying so that adds to the turmoil. About 60% of my hair is grey. Everytime I go out with my friends, I feel so depressed at the sight of a full head of thick black hair. All it takes to spoil a great day is a look in the mirror. I was a very handsome guy, had a great personality and my hair was very dense, thick and pitch black but thats when genetics decided to spoil the day. I feel so depressed sometimes when I look at the mirror, I’ve become very nervous over the years and I’m tired of fighting with my feelings for the past 5 years dealing with this mess. My confidence has shattered and this is taking so my much of my attention that I cannot focus on what is important in life. I see my friends going out, getting girlfriends, checking out 20 year olds and everytime I look at a 20 year old she thinks I’m some sick 30 year old hitting on college chicks. I don’t know how to deal with this and I have made myself to believe that I’ll be made to suffer for life for no fault of my own. I know people say “its just hairloss, suck it up” but I wouldn’t want this curse to haunt the worst of my enemies.
Hi Worried,
While it is possible for guys your age to begin seeing the signs of early onset male pattern baldness, what you describe sounds more like hair breakage.
If you have noticeable blond roots and the hair that you see falling out does not have a blond root, it is likely that you have somehow damaged you hair, perhaps by improperly dying it.
The only real way to know is to see a doctor who has a good handle on hair loss. He/she can check for follicular miniaturization which is the tell tale sign of Male Pattern Hair Loss. They can also check to see if in fact your hair is breaking as opposed to shedding.
Again, from how you described your situation it doesn’t sound like MPB.
As far as your family telling you what you want to hear…I can’t be sure either way.
We just launched a new message forum where guys like yourself can share your stories and get answers from veteran hair loss sufferers and qualified professionals. You can access it from this site by clicking on the community link in the top navigation bar or you can go directly to http://www.baldtruthtalk.com
You might want to upload some images to see if people think your hair loss is a noticeable as you think it is. In most cases it is not
Hope this helps!
Spencer Kobren
Is there a website or “anything at all” like this one for “women”???? I’ve been reading everything you guys have been saying and just wished I could find a place on-line where I could feel free to talk about some of my experiences, feelings, depressions, all related to my hair loss. I’m sooo bad that I don’t even enjoy going outside anymore, and I was always a female that stopped traffic where ever I went. (and that was NOT for a bad reason)! I was always use to men constantly trying to pick me up, meet me, etc. So, as you can imagine I am beyond devasated about my condition right now. Can ANYONE tell me where I can turn for help like you offer here?
Thanx a lot,
Laura
Absolutely, check out The Women’s Hair Loss Project:
http://www.womenshairlossproject.com They have a very active social network for women with hair loss:
http://community.womenshairlossproject.com
I am facing tons of depression since last 2 years.I am just 28 but looks like 40 years old. I made all success and milestone far ahead of my age, Struggled a lot in hope of dream when I would enjoy atleast one day for me and today I am no one.. (I rarely go to parties..Once one idiot mocked as uncle in group ..Just imagine..the heatache. I didn’t react to him) .I Why…….
I lost all my dreams due to high dipression…you know I never took drink..never smoke..never did any bad..my family got good hair history…I gave priority to family and my career..with principle of duty first and today I am looser…
If Gods comes after 5 years and bless me with the hairs,Money all..all..Still What abt these precious years of life…Are they coming back? I don’t want any..Just a common man beautiful life…
I would get married soon…worried a lot abt it. Even if she accepts me but would she be happy with that..or she would always think abt me..
I was working as teacher after studies.Postive attitude were and infact are always my words for all..But I always feel like lost when it comes to my appearance. It’s the fact that world sees you and later feels you….
Sometimes I think that I would wait till next Birth when I would again enjoy my life..my days..that happiness…
If you are like me..you would understand the feeling otherwise..it’s all nonsense for you….
Every thing is reversible. I can do anything..any thing..can concur entire world …Nothing is impossible..But I can’t win with myself….
I didn’t share these feeling since time…Feeling relaxed and friendly to write here…
Some where I read that baldness signifies love and kindness..I would pray for all of us that the compensasion for it is planned….
(Just rough feeling mail)..thx for the common place…
I am elated to finally find out that I am not the only person going through severe depression as a result of hair loss. I am currently 26 and I started noticing my hair was thinning when I was around 20. I sported cornrows all of my highschool years (98-01), so I could never notice that my hair was thinning. It wasn’t until a couple of weeks after my mother died in 03′ that I decided to cut my hair. Once I cut off all of my BEAUTIFUL HAIR, I noticed a tiny bald spot on the top of my scalp, and it’s been 3expanding ever since. As a result,I suffer from depression that leads to me constantly sporting a hat everytime I go out.My being uncomfortable with myself even leads to me trying to hide my baldness in the confines of my own home…. no.. not even my siblings notice my baldness as a result of me trying to wear a stocking cap over my head. Worst of all, my reluctance and trying to hide my baldness permeates into my interpersonal relationships.. more directly, women. Seeing as to how I ALWAYS wear a hat when Im out, women generally assume that you have hair if you aren’t completely shaved. Because I wear cornrows, the length of my hair extends to my shoulders, which gives the impressions to women that I have long,flowing hair. However, when they ask to see my hair I’ll tell them that it is not done, and I’ll show it to them when its done… but that time never comes, and eventually frustration sets in on both parties. I hate going bald! Sometimes I wake up wishing I hadn’t woken up in the first place. Right now Im struggling internally on whether I should shave it all off or use remedies i.e rogaine, surgical procedure. I feel for everyone going through this. Im going through a mid life crisis and its hard to see the light
-Mike
I honestly can’t believe this is happening to me so soon in life. I was once told that balding only comes from your mom’s side of the family. What a load of bs. No one on my mom’s side is bald that i know of, but my dad is completely bald at almost the age of 50, and it looks like i’m taking after him. I always knew that someday i might go bald beginning around maybe the age of 30 since that’s when my dad started loosing his hair and i tried to make myself ok with that, but i’m only 21 and am finding my hair thinning in the back already.
I started noticing it about a year ago and what’s worse is that the time i started loosing my hair was around the same time that i had just broken up with my girlfriend of 2 years. Talk about kickin a guy when he’s already down. Not only do i have to deal with loosing the first and what i believe is the only women i’ll ever be in love with or even want to be in love with, but then i start loosing my hair on top of it all.
I literally think about my hair loss now EVERY DAY. It’s so depressing. I’m tired of wearing a hat everywhere i go, and i don’t want to cut my hair off. It’s short as it is, and if i buzzed my head with bare clippers probably wouldn’t even be noticeable (atleast i hope), but i know the day is going to come when even using clippers won’t hide me going bald. I see that day as dooms day and there’s no avoiding it. I’m f***ed and there’s nothing i can do about it.
I don’t even like thinking about getting a hair transplant. I don’t trust any doctor cutting into my scalp. I’ve seen pictures of some of the horror stories that others have went through by taking that road. Then if the hair transplant is horrendous, you don’t even have the option anymore of wearing ur hair short or bald because of the ridiculous scar circling the lower part of ur head from ear to ear.
I’ve heard from some guys that after taking propecia they can’t get their dicks hard anymore or have trouble having children. Even if there is only a slight chance of becoming unable to perform anymore after taking this drug, i couldn’t even dream of taking that chance. I mean seriously–risking the chance of not being able to get a hard on again, possibly meeting a woman who would accept you for who u are, and becoming completely embarrassed when she finds you can’t do s*** with ur limp d*** — i don’t think so.
Stem cell research seems to be the only real hope out there, but that’ll never happen. They always keep saying and saying it’s only about 5-10 years away. It’s a timeline which keeps moving with time.
I can’t commit suicide because i believe anyone who does so would go straight to hell for that, but sometimes i wish someone else could just do it for me and spare me this agony and depression.
Hi
I know exactly what everyone on this site is going through and how they feel. I was about 18 or 19 when I first noticed my hair was receding. People can be very cruel, they used to say all sorts of things about my hair, making jokes and comments, and although I may have laughed it off, deep down I just wanted to die, they had no idea what it was doing to me. When you’re young, you’re concerned about your looks, and this includes your hair, and I’ve become obscessed with my hair, it really gets to me, I’m 34 now and it still bothers me, I feel that it’s been a fighting battle to get it looking right. I’m sure it has caused my depression, I find it hard to be happy, I don’t want to be depressed about it, so if I’m depressed about it, I feel that the hair has won, it’s beaten me, it’s made me depressed, but also I can’t be happy because I’m not happy with it. So the way I try to deal with it is by trying to do something about it, like taking medication, I can’t shave it off, I would feel that’s beaten me, and I hate when people say, “oh, just shave it off”, that really gets to me. I find it hard to have my photo taken, or look in shop windows. So I hope what I’ve said helps other people about how they feel.
I started going bald prematurely when I was 17 because I took accutane. It was completely unexpected because my family genes are pretty good in terms of hair loss, and I can’t think of anyone in my extended family with a bald head. Initially, it was really depressing for me… taking a drug to get rid of my serious acne and winding up bald…not the best trade-off. But in a way having already dealt with the emotional pain of acne has made this whole balding thing a little bit easier to deal with. I
I read a lot of the comments on here and just wanted to say to people…if you are going bald there is no point in feeling bad about it because everybody does at some point. When I first started losing my hair I was depressed and I would dread taking showers and hate waking up in the morning, but then I realized I’d just need to find a new way to feel confident and attractive so I hit the gym pretty hard and now I’m in great shape and feeling great about myself. Since I had pretty thick hair to begin with I haven’t had to shave it yet but when that day comes I’m pretty sure I’ll be ready for it.
All of you guys can do it too - if you are spending all your time looking in shop windows and mirrors, and worrying about how you look…keep in mind that everyone else on the street is doing the same thing; even someone with a great head of hair could feel completely depressed about a different component of their appearance. If you can fake confidence, you will eventually find it.
I would say there’s no point spending money on propecia or rogaine because I’ve already had to deal with awful side effects from taking accutane (not just thinning hair). I think its better to get in shape, to accentuate something else about you that makes you feel good - and to stay busy so you aren’t always thinking about hair. But that’s just me.
I started going bald at age of 18 and am now 23 and pretty much all gone now. I really have dealt with this bad and no matter what, im constantly thinking bad things 24/7. im so depressed and cant look in any reflection as this makes me so worse, I am getting really bad OCD. I really no i should get over it but its been 5 years now and really dont know what to do, ive tried spending money on everything basically but its never going to be the same. I absolutely have no confidence and feel like my life has been cut short and i cant stop looking and wishing that i was like my friends. Im near on completely bald and i still only look about 16 years of age. I really wish that i felt hope. I am very lucky to have a girlfriend who supports me but I presume I drive her crazy with this human defect. I really cant concentrate on anything else apart from this and its ruining my life.
reading this doesnt make me feel better but reassures me that im not alone and that someone out there understands how i feel.
thanks for reading. apologies for the grammar.
Mark, that is the best outlook I have read about going bald. Everyone should take a chapter out of his book and just let it be. Life if too short to worry about something like being bald. Sure it makes you stick out in a crowd, but why not take it as a reason to reinvent yourself. Bad feelings will always lead to depression.
As for hair transplants, I have considered them, but have decided to not go through with a cosmetic surgery that will leave my head scarred for life. I am 22 and like mark, have also taken accutane and noticed my head balding at 17. I still wake up every morning wishing I had hair and now I have decided to put that lunacy to the wayside.
This web site/ community is a doing a great service to balding people looking for answers. My best answer right now: deal with it, work on your body, mind and spirit. Be a good person and good will come. Think about yourself as bad, ugly and disfigured, you’ll become depressed… So just live in the positive light.
I wish I found it that easy.
I am a woman and as such would like to say I cannot imagine why all you men think you are not attractive because of balding hair. There are pl;enty of attractive men- some of whom have hair and some of whom are bald- there are also plenty of men who are not so attractive- with or without hair. Your hair is only 1 part of you- and yes I understand that you see it as a very important part. But believe me, attractive eyes, a great smile, and a strong healthy body etc all do the trick to attract females just as much as (you think) hair does. Confidence and a devil-may care- attitude are also very attractive. Please stop apologising for yourselves and if you feel it is necessary to compensate (it isn’t) sharpen up on your other female- attracting weapons.
The main thing for me is that everybody says it’s normal to go bald, but I would have liked to wait until my mid 40′ies … and even then I wouldn’t have liked it, but I wouldn’t have complained. I’m 23 god dammit, I’m not supposed to look in the mirror and try to cover my reseeding hairline. I have good things in my life and though im not a sexy beast I have a funktioning body, a normal apperanse otherwise, friends and family. But the constant tought of my hairline is always bugging me, everytime I see my reflection. l know how trivial it is, and how little my friends and family think it matters. It’s like haveing a grain of sand in my eye… always there annoying me. And if I complain people would answer you could have been blind, stop complaining.
I lost 10 years of my life because of my hairloss, and the battle isn’t finished yet. Im dead inside and depressed. I can’t enjoy life anymore. i got no friends, never had a girlfriend and im still living with my parents because of this shit. Im tired of living in a dark world and seeing other people enjoying life and i can’t.
I got no control of my hairloss, but my hairloss has it over me, its like a virus or cancer in my head that kills me slowly.
I know that many people don’t understand this problem, many people think that hairloss is just a little problem, but it can destroy your whole life and im one of them.
My brother lost also his hair at 17y and i was one of them who could not understand how this problem can control your life, but when it hit me, then i know how it feels.
The worst thing is not having this problem, but the biggest problem is that there is not cure.
There are pills like dutasteride and propecia, but if ur hairloss is very aggressive like mine, then those pills will only work for a few years, and if u read al these side effects about propecia, then u will think twice of taking them and i know it because i already used both of them
One day there will be a cure for baldness, but too late for me.
I agree. When hair loss isn’t happening to you personally, it’s not a big deal. My hair loss has changed my life and am still battling major depression. I don’t know how to shake it. I’m 32 years old and hide under a ball cap. I don’t go to functions where I cannot wear my cap. It’s insane, but again, cannot shake this. I’m at the point where I just want to live my life and enjoy life while I’m still fairly young. I’m considering having a hair transplant. People ask, “Why would you spend thousands of dollars for a hair transplant?” They just don’t understand. Self-confidence and happiness are more important to me than $$$$$$. Self-confidence and happiness are priceless.
i really wish it was that easy
So I’m sixteen and going bald. It really sucks. Like really badly. I just want to know if there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. Will I ever accept this? Please tell me I will… please tell me it won’t continue taking over my life the way it is. I’m totally miserable, it’s all I can think about. I want to stop being so unhappy.
I’ll never forget when I realized I was actually losing hair. I was 18. I had a job at an afterschool daycare and I was outside playing with the kids around a play structure. A fifth grader was above me getting ready to go down a slide and said, “Man, you have a sand pit.” I wasn’t sure what he was talking about until I got home that night and actually did a full scan of the top of my scalp. My heart dropped that night, and the obsession with my scalp and the insecurities would consume my life from that point until now. I’m turning 30 tomorrow. I’m actually happy to be getting older because now my age is finally catching up with my baldness. I’m lucky to have married early while I still had some hair, and I’m also lucky to have a wife that loves me for who I am and not what my head looks like. Even with the support, I am still battling with periods of depression. Some weeks are better than others, but overall my baldness has taken a huge chunk out of my confidence and social interaction. I get jealous when I see 60 year old guys with a full head of hair. It’s almost comical how much I dwell on it. I have found ways to feel good about myself, and just when I feel like I’m finally over it - BAM - I wake up and look at my ugly head in the mirror and look forward to shaving my head again. I never used rogaine or any other hair treatment, and actually feel good about it. I refuse to fork over money to those corporations. It’s almost as if they don’t want to find a cure for baldness, because of all the money they make each month off of us. Why find a cure for them when they are making us rich. Just one of my conspiricy theories.
It felt good to find this website, and even better to know that there are other people out there that share my thoughts. Stay strong my bald brothers. I’m hoping that god is doing this as a test for our us and our character, and when we walk through the pearly gates it will seem as though we had never lost the hair in the first place and we will once again be blessed with our thick heads of hair. Take care!
I’m 23 and really bummed about my hairloss. I first noticed my receding hairline when I was around 17 or 18, and so far could hide it. But recently it’s become obvious
I am constantly looking in the mirror and obsessing over it, and it’s really getting in the way of my confidence and happiness. It’s causing me to be depressed. Shaved heads look cool on some guys, but I have a weird head and a big nose so it wouldn’t look good on me.
On top of that, I’ve been struggling with some ED issues since I was 17, and that has hurt my confidence enough already, and caused a lot of depression and anxiety. I’m not sure what to do - I’m getting therapy for that stuff and hopefully I’ll be able to bounce back from all this.
It’s nice to have a community of people who can empathize with this difficult experience. It sucks. A lot. But hopefully we’ll all get through it.
I was 19 when I first noticed hair falling by the dozens. The intense dandruff in addition to loads of strands just falling one by one in hundreds EVERY SINGLE DAY! I ignored it thinking my dad wasnt bald, my relatively older brother had a thick head of hair and the rest of my maternal and paternal uncles, grandfathers were far from bald. I relaxed.
At 20, a friend ( obviously he was secretly suffereing from baldness himself, I have noticed men who are starting to suffer from something notice moreso than others, like an overweight person always looks at another person watching their weight) .
I realised my temples were waning . A thick head of hair but waning deep ended balding temples. I went on minoxidil at 21 and carried on upto 23. Hair stil falling by the dozens but for some reason this medication made it look thick inspite of it. Every time i combed my hair, fifty hair coming out at one time. My family said OH YOU WILL NEVER BE BALD. YOUR FOLKS HAVE A FULL HEAD OF HAIR.
At 25, today, I cant deal with the pressure of baldness and have shaved it off with bald patches and hair quality reduced drastically. it gave me respite and felt gr8 for some time as the shaved head looked even in the beginning . But now even my shaved head , you can see where my horse shoe is forming. and how! I still have hair all over except for the temples.
Nevertheless, it is apparent that its balding in a horse shoe pattern.
Girls at 21 and 22 are treating me like some 35 year old man hitting on them in clubs. Guys keep poking their youth as compared to me.
I am deeply hurt. I dont meet my family because my brother pokes fun at me along with my uncles who have a thick head of hair even today.
I go to the gym, and realise how unattractive, a horse shoe looks on me. I am 25 years old.
I want to kill myself right now. I dont have a girlfriend. Being a South Asian guy, its even more difficult to get one as white girls prefer well white men - if they like coloured he has to be sortov exceptional
Coloured South Asians - simply out of the question! They dont like balding young men.
16 year olds in my country end up calling me uncle and im 25.
I want to restore hair and I cant afford it. Life is not fun anymore ! Wish it would and could be but it isnt!
To Sammy:
Hey Sam, I’m losing my hair in the temples too. It’s really tough to look in the mirror now, even though I stare at the missing hair for a long time. I’m trying a few natural things right now since I’m nervous about the Rogain and oral drugs. For you, I think you should see a dermatologist. The dermatologist will help you understand what options you have. If there are no options that work, the only option is to be you with less hair. Think about it!!!! You are so much more important than your hair!!!! I don’t know you, but i would take you as my friend any day, but if you give me a bag of your hair, I would not want it. My perspective is that if I can’t save my hair by my natural treatments, I will have to live with it. There are so many things that I can do where I don’t need hair to do it, like EVERYTHING. And hey, why would you want a girl that likes you for just your hair. Girls like guys with confidence and a job. And you can have confidence with balding!!! I hope you have a job! Even the girls have things about them that they are not pleased about. Everybody has something that’s a big deal to them, but small to other people. Look, give your hair 1% attention. Give the rest of your life 99%. This is the only way that you will be happy and find a great girlfriend too.
it is so depressing man!! omg!!!
I started losing my hair at age of 21 too, i am not 28, although I managed to slow down my hair, but I could not put a stop to it!!
I am extremely depressed because of it, but of course I hide it so ppl dont noticed my depression.
Now I can not even hide my hair loss anymore, and because of it, I refuse to go out on dates, I refuse to talk to girls, and I refuse to go out to clubs & etc…
we guys all we have it our hair, without it?! whats the point of living?
I have a nice body, and nice face, but a balding head!! at age of 28… :\’(
every-time I run my figures through my head, I wana start crying!!
I just also found out my thyroid has problems which also causes hair loss, If my thyroid gets fixed, and my hair doesn\’t come back I have no choice but to spend 8grand doing transplant specially in the middle of my college now, this is not going to be easy!!
:\’(
To all you guys out there I feel the exact same. I’m 22 and have lost most of mya hair at the front. People do say things like its fine etc but when it effects you individually its extreemly depressing. Simply comments such as ‘you could do will a little hair on your head’ or ‘your hairs reeceded well back’. I have finally got to the point where I am going for a consulation tomorrow form hair restoration. i dont know how much it will cost of if it will actually work but I feel I need to do this for myself. I use to be a right party animal and now I dont go out because i’m so concerned about it.
When i got in to my teens i became fat and got bitchtits. I slimmed down but the titties remained. But i coped. I changed my style, buffed up and started an individual rocker look.
Man i was a rocker! Not the one´s who don´t get it! I was the one who got it. The sickening thing was that the only thing people gave me compliments for was my hair, telling me i looked like a model. Even women just walked up to me and said, damn you look like a celebrety. I started loosing hair when i was 19-20yrs. Started with Propecia but it didn´t work. My doctor even just ignored me when i had tears in my eyes! Though i understand him, he deals with cancerpatients! But anyway it was hard. Not anyone understanding. When my friends went out clubbing and such, well guess who stayed at home.! Today im 27, trying to date older women. I googled this page after i got a funny look from my neighbor, she is hot but older. I usually wear caps and hats, but this time i had to leave the appartment and she showed up. We always flirt, this time she bareley wanted to see my face.
Today i suffer from depression, social- phobia, general anxiety disorder and a variety of sleep disorders. The sleep- condition is medical.
I just don´t get it, something as hairloss can´t be cured? Im pretty bleak and when i shave i look funny, then you always have to shave and it hurts, your skull bleeds and it stings. You can´t just be sitting around one friday when a friend calls late and asks if you wanna go out. It´s not like fixing your hair and then put on a t-shirt and run outside. You have to trim the hair, then wet it, use shaving cream, then shower, use moisturizer and have a slight tan. And do you know how easy it is to miss on a few strokes of hair that end up flying behind your ear? This process takes a hour or more. If you bleed then it takes even more time. And after one day, guess what? The halfmoon behind your head appears.
How would you feel doing this every single day just that you don´t look like an old man?
This is one of the main reasons i hate going outside, this is one reason i fear women, this is one reason that all of my freaking youth was stolen. and the options are….
Hairplugs? Plug in hair from your neck? So you look lika a doll? What if you loose all of your hair and the plugged ones are the only ones that remain?
Propecia? A pill that doesn´t do shit, it evens out the baldness that is all. Your erection goes limb, you get testicle pains. And you keep loosing hair. After using this shit for 3½ years i realized still i was getting bald and needed to shave. Do you now how expencive this shit is in my country? It´s almost 200dollars for a month´s supply! It´s prostate medicine, it is not really that expensive to manufacture. But when it comes to taking advantage of those who don´t get the lucky streak in life, well then there is an whole open market for this.
Rogaine, don´t get me started, shit that you put on your head and then you need to fix it with some products. Guess what? Your hair will look like shit.
Lazer? Hmm, an expensive treatment that doesn´t do shit.There is a guy who did a tretment with all of these so colled medically proven methods and wasted almost 5000 dollars. Still he ended up wearing a wig.
My friends talk shit about bald people, that they look nasty and shit. Women say man he´s getting bald and will not get a woman anymore.
My own father just gave me a wierd look and then quickly looked away, like it is something to be ashamed of. MY OWN FATHER! And the bastard has a full set of hair.
My identity was lost and my life ended up in solitude. i did it all, supplements, treatments, worked out, even took tranqs against stress. Nothing worked. NOTHING WORK`S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We can´t cure baldness today in the year 2010? WE CAN`T CURE BALDNESS IN THE YEAR 2010? WTF!?
I lost my hair due to my anti-seizure medication. I used to have a very thick and soft head of hair that the ladies loved a lot. I started to go when I was 23 and married. I am 34 now. I am now bald on most of the top of my head. I shave my head so I don’t feel ridiculous. I hate it so much it burns inside.
What is worse is the fact that my dad who is 65 has a full head of hair. Sure it is gray, but it is very thick. His uncle is even older and also has a full head of hair. My moms side of the family really has no problem with hair lose either. Even my younger brother has hair down to his damn waist. It makes me sick.
It really pisses me off to no end. I feel like I have been cheated and robbed. I feel like a piece of me is missing.
What is even worse is that my wife does not understand how I feel about it. She thinks I am over reacting, that I should just get over it. “Bald is sexy” she says. She says she likes it. But still she comments on how sexy some heavy metal stars are. They have f*cking huge heads of hair. None of the stars she comments on are bald. NONE. I think she is lying to me to make me feel better. I think she is full of crap.
I feel normal about it most of the time. What can I really do that will work for me? Nothing as far as I can see. But some days for some reason it really gets me down. I don’t really know what to do about my depression from losing my hair. It is all messed up.
For me balding was inevitable and I saw it coming as early as 18. Add 10 years to that today and I’m completely bald and shave off whats left.
For me, the serious balding that cleaned off the rest came at about 24. This was a turning period in my life. Balding itself was merely a catalyst for whats happened since. Here’s the hard and fast reality I face today.
1. Still dating someone who accepts my baldness. If we break up, I suspect I wouldn’t want to date again (Let alone find someone who wants to date me)
2. People have stopped saying I’m handsome.
3. Kids at the school I teach laugh at me every day reminding me of my reality. They also tell me how ugly I look and tell me to wear a hat. It’s humbling and humiliating but it helps me deal with it.
4. I’ve lost motivation for living and entered into consistent depression. I contemplate suicide every day. Again, its not directly all from hairloss, but thats when things turned.
5. I don’t go out much anymore and girls don’t want to talk to me.
6. I don’t want to get married or ever have kids anymore. I’m not willing to pass on my genes.
7. I have given up on my qualifications and want to leave the city and become a farmer or something.
8. I still have my true friends and I get to watch them have their share of fun. Inevitably, through my own lack of desire and societies lack of acceptance, I get sidelined and become the party pooper.
9. I realised that confidence can only get you so far. There are still some deeper seated stereotypes that will always exist for bald people. Sure you can shrug them off, but they will still stand in the way.
10. Some men will look great without hair, but most don’t. One shoe does not fit all.
Again, I realise that many of the problems or issues I have are probably inherent and I’m not looking for a scapegoat. I don’t even want to imply that hairloss caused these issues. But to some extent it will exacerbate issues. I have low self esteem and genetically depression is right up my tree. Having a quick glimpse in the mirror does provide a hard fast reality check that can trigger depression.
For now, I’m not looking solutions to hairloss. I’m over it and have accepted my fate. I’ve already lost faith in society. Hairloss is seen as a disability throughout the world (I’ve traveled) and evolution has little place for it. For me, I got to focus on whats left to enjoy out there.
If I find life painful and lacking meaning in the next few years, I will probably consider pulling the plug. I just feel I have to wait for my parents to pass on to the next life. I feel that I at least owe them that favor.
I hope you can draw something useful from this. Didn’t mean to drag anyone down into my own abyss.
HArry
Hello. My name is Howard.
I started going bald during my senior year of high school. I’m now 21 and a horseshoe shape on the top of my head is evident. For the last first year of college, I parted my hair a certain in order to cover up a bald spot on the back of my head. Then, the top of my hair started thinning and my already low self-esteem dropped. It got to the point where I would avoid sitting or standing under direct sunlight or overhead lights in a room because it would make it that much more evident how bald I was.
I would stand in front of the mirror for hours sometimes, hoping that I could will my hair back to its original thickness. Every time I passed by a reflective window on a car or a building or a puddle of water, I would stop and see if my hair looked acceptable.
Then, the winter came. Finally it would be acceptable to wear a hat in and outdoors; and so I did. I never took my ski cap off. People began talking. They wondered if I may have been deathly ill or something. Looking back, I suppose I was.
Being born with what’s called “Bat Ears” where one ear is huge and the other is normal, I knew that shaving my head wasn’t an option. I thought about this long and hard. It was between bald freedom with ugly ears or shameful imprisonment with a thin head of hair.
Sometime in the cold month of February, I had had enough. I decided that I would shave the damn thing off - completely. I locked myself in my room, took my electric razor, and buzzed it all off. I was so nervous about what people would think about my bare head that I still kept the hat on (also because February’s a bad month to be hairless).
Finally, some time after that, I regained confidence. i didn’t care what people might think. I marched out of my room - my head now stubbly - and showed off my bald-ish head to all. Since then (4 months later) I haven’t turned back. I don’t look in the mirror obsessively anymore, and I certainly don’t whine about how cruel fate is for giving me a case of male pattern baldness.
In fact, realizing that I saved thousands of dollars on balding “solutions” by shaving my head, I’ve decided to get otoplasty (ear surgery) in a few months.
A word of advice:
If we live life thinking about how lifeless a balding life is, that’s not living at all. Some of you are mentally crippled by MPB. I think that is so sad. Just get out there and be yourself. Are you a person, or are you the hair on top of your head? So what if you have a big nose? So what if you have weird ears? Just shave your head. Keep it that way for 30 days. If you don’t like it after that, then grow it back to normal length.
It is adversity such as balding or being fired from your job or being completely and utterly alone that makes the human race thrive, damnit. Become empowered. Become confident. Don’t let it get to you.
man i know how u feel i’m 19 and am louesing a lot of hair every day i think im going bald. i got a bald spot in the back off my head.i feel like my life is over man…..
Thank you.
HI, I started losing my hair at 15 and now im 18. This problem has basically ruined my life, and I hate that my youth was taken away.
I had beautiful hair, I was one of those kids that always used gel to spike it up and the such. During my sophomore and junior years of high school My hair was very thin, but I was afraid of shaving it , I was in denial. It killed my social life, I hated playing soccer now because if it was windy or if it rained people would see how bald I was. My friends made fun of my hair saying it looked like an animal on top of my head, and it really did, I just let a lot of hair grow to cover the baldness. I hated going to parties and places were there was a lot of light because of it. When Junior year ended it felt into a horrible depression during the entire summer and dissapeared, I locked myself in my room and only came out to the bathroom and to get food. To this day, it is the darkest period in my life. Senior year came around , and because I was a good student I managed the courage to get out. I buzzed my head and reunited with the few friends I had. I became more confident but never quite was the same. The balding has advanced much more, and people of course now know that im balding, and im tired of the cruelty.
I know cut my hair very short, almost like shaved. Im 18 and I look like im 30. I often play soccer and they all mock me saying that Im old, calling me grandpa and what not. I’ve tried to stay strong but Im tired and obssessed with my balding. I dont like pictures taken of me. I dont go to parties. I wont go out if i cannot buzz my hair to at least look acceptable. I hate standing near the light where my head will basicaaly shine. I envy the hair my friends have and always think im the ugliest guy everwhere I go. I feel like my teen years have been wasted because of this. I cannot stop thinking about and people dont make it any better. it is now the summer after my senior year, and I’ve become deeply depressed again. This time i really shaved my hair and I hate it. I dont want to go outside. I’ve even broken up with my girlfriend because I am so ashamed of her seeing me like this. I hate the fuckers and the so called friends who constantly call me old and torture me for my baldness, and I hate having to brush it off like It doesnt affect me. I fucking give up , Im tired, I don’t want to accept, now I just want to commit suicide.
I have read most of the comments her and its made me feel alot better in myself. im 21 next year and have started to noticing thinning. I had a receeding hairline from as long as i can remember but can cling onto the hope i wont go completely bored as my dad has a receeding hairline and still managed to keep all his hair. Mum said i take after her dad when it comes to hair and as ive never met him i have to take her word for it, hoping that tht cliche doest apply to me or cancels it self out.
ive started preparing myself for baldness. my mates joke about it when im there so its kinda helped me accept it guess. But when theres a lass you like and she notices it does hit you back quick alot.
I havent had that much trouble in attracting girls. when i go out with my mates i could say i hold me own your could say. I know its easier said then done but if you ignore that its there u somehow forget about it for the day.
——— if there is any advice i could give people its to read ‘ the game’ by neil strauss it boosts your confidence and makes you feel like you can do what hes doing. O ya and hes bald too. A book that focuses on attracting women but also a very good read. ive read it more then once and when im down brings me to be slighty more happy even if its only for seconds ——–
Paul, UK